I totally see what you're saying, and it's exactly the sort of thing I'd tell someone else if they asked me.
And yet... I go immediately to the idea that all my friends have done so much for me and what if they need me now and I'm not available, what kind of friend is that to return their kindness with absence? I have a fair few friends who have been burned badly in the past by people who don't reciprocate, and I find myself very worried that I will seem like a person who doesn't reciprocate, doesn't follow through, abandons those who need her when things get tiring.
Which just comes back to the usual insecurities, and I know where they're from, but that doesn't make them any easier to shake off.
Thank you, though - the first time I read through your comment before I had time to respond, I almost burst into tears from the cognitive dissonance, which was, perhaps, exactly what I needed.
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And yet... I go immediately to the idea that all my friends have done so much for me and what if they need me now and I'm not available, what kind of friend is that to return their kindness with absence? I have a fair few friends who have been burned badly in the past by people who don't reciprocate, and I find myself very worried that I will seem like a person who doesn't reciprocate, doesn't follow through, abandons those who need her when things get tiring.
Which just comes back to the usual insecurities, and I know where they're from, but that doesn't make them any easier to shake off.
Thank you, though - the first time I read through your comment before I had time to respond, I almost burst into tears from the cognitive dissonance, which was, perhaps, exactly what I needed.
-E-