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First Day of Grad School
For those in the home audience, today was my very first day of Graduate School.
Yes, I was very, very nervous, but not panicked as I feared I might be (yes, I fear fear itself sometimes - panic attacks are like that).
The class sounds like it will be highly useful. I'm bemused to once again be in a setting where 15 minutes of regular meditation is required of me on at least a weekly basis. In this case it's "Mindfulness Practice". Previous iterations have been Zen Practice and Centering Prayer Practice, but functionally they've all been the same practice.
I'm mildly wary of the professor (well, always, but specifically in this case), because her word choices remind me so much of people who have focused very much on the superficial while claiming to want deep truth, only to penalize me for real honesty. But part of the class itself is learning to just wait and watch and objectively observe and nonjudgmentally engage, rather than coming in with preconceived notions or dwelling in past patterns that don't directly apply to the individual in front of you. So ok, here's a challenge, and a good one.
On an unrelated, sort of positive note, the professor's facial structure is sort of unique, in that I believe I've seen dolls and puppets based on such a structure, but she may well be the first actual human being I've seen with a face quite like that, so she seems very fey to me *visually*, in a very pleasing way. I'm slightly distracted by the intense urge to draw pictures of her. ;p
My partner for the homework and practice is a girl I know from undergrad, and it's her first class too.
As usual, everyone is really accommodating about my difficulty with the regular classroom chairs. SCU is still a really amazing, supportive environment.
I was startled to realize how much of a *relief* it was to return to campus. Like "Oh, I know how to be here, ok." It didn't really hit me until I went from the Loyola building at the edge of campus that is the center of the Counseling Psych program to the main campus for the bookstore. As soon as I re-parked and walked onto the main campus I felt that wave of relief and excitement, like the other shoe had finally dropped, and it was a gorgeous, comfortable sandal instead of the pointy steel-toed boot-to-the-head I'm always fearing when I go to school.
I dropped by to the Campus Ministry to say hi to the Interfaith minister, who was pleased at my return, and then I dropped by the Religious Studies department to say hi to the department admin, the former department chair, and one of my favorite professors (based in all cases on who was around, not aiming for anyone in specific).
I had a very amusing conversation with Prof. M. She was really surprised to learn that I used to have a lot more trouble academically and still have trouble psychologically with school. She couldn't quite wrap her brain around the idea that I graduated from high school with a 2.1 GPA. It's so much a part of me that I find it hard to understand that it's not obvious anymore, but I suppose it wouldn't be, given that I graduated in the top 2% of my class at SCU.
Then I went to the bookstore to pick up my books and supplies, only to discover that they didn't have the main text. So I had to order it from Amazon, but it should arrive during the week this week, which is in plenty of time, AND I got a HUGE discount buying the previous edition, which the prof. already said would be fine.
So, I'm back "home" academically, and glad to be. This will work. Whatever isn't already set up is just hoop jumping, and I'm good at the rest of it.
Wish me luck!
-E-
Yes, I was very, very nervous, but not panicked as I feared I might be (yes, I fear fear itself sometimes - panic attacks are like that).
The class sounds like it will be highly useful. I'm bemused to once again be in a setting where 15 minutes of regular meditation is required of me on at least a weekly basis. In this case it's "Mindfulness Practice". Previous iterations have been Zen Practice and Centering Prayer Practice, but functionally they've all been the same practice.
I'm mildly wary of the professor (well, always, but specifically in this case), because her word choices remind me so much of people who have focused very much on the superficial while claiming to want deep truth, only to penalize me for real honesty. But part of the class itself is learning to just wait and watch and objectively observe and nonjudgmentally engage, rather than coming in with preconceived notions or dwelling in past patterns that don't directly apply to the individual in front of you. So ok, here's a challenge, and a good one.
On an unrelated, sort of positive note, the professor's facial structure is sort of unique, in that I believe I've seen dolls and puppets based on such a structure, but she may well be the first actual human being I've seen with a face quite like that, so she seems very fey to me *visually*, in a very pleasing way. I'm slightly distracted by the intense urge to draw pictures of her. ;p
My partner for the homework and practice is a girl I know from undergrad, and it's her first class too.
As usual, everyone is really accommodating about my difficulty with the regular classroom chairs. SCU is still a really amazing, supportive environment.
I was startled to realize how much of a *relief* it was to return to campus. Like "Oh, I know how to be here, ok." It didn't really hit me until I went from the Loyola building at the edge of campus that is the center of the Counseling Psych program to the main campus for the bookstore. As soon as I re-parked and walked onto the main campus I felt that wave of relief and excitement, like the other shoe had finally dropped, and it was a gorgeous, comfortable sandal instead of the pointy steel-toed boot-to-the-head I'm always fearing when I go to school.
I dropped by to the Campus Ministry to say hi to the Interfaith minister, who was pleased at my return, and then I dropped by the Religious Studies department to say hi to the department admin, the former department chair, and one of my favorite professors (based in all cases on who was around, not aiming for anyone in specific).
I had a very amusing conversation with Prof. M. She was really surprised to learn that I used to have a lot more trouble academically and still have trouble psychologically with school. She couldn't quite wrap her brain around the idea that I graduated from high school with a 2.1 GPA. It's so much a part of me that I find it hard to understand that it's not obvious anymore, but I suppose it wouldn't be, given that I graduated in the top 2% of my class at SCU.
Then I went to the bookstore to pick up my books and supplies, only to discover that they didn't have the main text. So I had to order it from Amazon, but it should arrive during the week this week, which is in plenty of time, AND I got a HUGE discount buying the previous edition, which the prof. already said would be fine.
So, I'm back "home" academically, and glad to be. This will work. Whatever isn't already set up is just hoop jumping, and I'm good at the rest of it.
Wish me luck!
-E-