Processing About Processing

[emberleo]

I don't like how hard it seems to be to think clearly enough for long enough to use my journal to process.

I'm getting all kinds of processing done, and all kinds of stuff is going on in my life, but when I sit down with intent to document and process further, it just dribbles out my ears, and I'm exhausted at the thought of rehashing it all here.

I don't know if the problem is that this is a somewhat public forum, that it's only read by a handful of people despite its public nature, or because it involves writing things out in the more general sense. I have managed other bits of writing easily enough.

*shrug* I don't know. Once again I find myself tired of being tired.

-E-

Comments

[moonvoice]

Would it feel easier, do you think, if you created a filter specifically for processing?

Also, don't be too worried about it. Sometimes when I'm processing, the last thing I want to do is write it all down for everyone else, or even for myself. Going through it is tiring enough, and I just need to get through it. So - this might not be the same for you - but I certainly think it's okay to just kind of be...getting through it, y'know?

[emberleo]

I don't think a Processing filter would help, since that's more or less why I have a journal at all. I do have some filters for specific topics in processing, but nothing like I had set up at LJ.

I think it's mostly the feeling that I can't re-articulate what's going on in my head when the time comes to write it down. Very frustrating.

The gods seem to be putting me through a lot lately, trying to catch up with certain necessary projects while there's time, and I'm catching a lot of shenanigans about HOW They're doing so. What I find frustrating is that I don't catch that it's Them again until a day or two after I've hit the wall for whatever reason. Again, very frustrating.
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Thank you for the comment. It's helpful to realize that folks ARE reading. It's always easier to write when I have a specific audience in mind.

-E-

[perlandria]

I think I remember you needing an audience.
Go back to one of your first audiences? Make a filter for Rascal, and write to her?

[emberleo]

Ok, that made me cry.

Which doesn't mean it's a bad idea. Maybe it's a brilliant one, I can't tell yet.

It might be better to write to you, honestly. A more recent cat, to be sure, but a reliable one who reads here regularly.

-E-

[perlandria]

I am always happy to be your cat.

[emberleo]

*hugs* Thank you!

Right know the effort of making that even happen sounds daunting.

I'm really tired of this.

-E-

[jamie]

mayhap this is not how/where you are processing right now?

[emberleo]

Yes. I seem to be processing mostly in dialogue with others lately.

IM works well lately, and I find myself wanting to clean up the logs and post them (and have done so when I had permission and thought folks would actually enjoy reading it).

-E-

[xochiquetzalina]

You have my permission. :)

[emberleo]

Aww, thanks!

I generally ask for permission on a case-by-case basis, rather than expecting blanket permission from any given person.

Of course, I also try to weed out as much as I can that's not about my own stuff, and leave out other people's names, etc.

-E-

[xochiquetzalina]

Figured as much, but wanted to be sure that you knew. :)

[jess]

For what it's worth, yours is one of a handful of journals I always make sure to read every post of here in Dreamwidth. I don't always comment, and I'm certainly not always current, at least not now while I'm dealing with my own Super Happy Fun Times Tee Em. But I am reading, and I am always holding you in my heart.

[emberleo]

Aww, thank you!

I wish I could honestly assert that I kept up with even the shortest list of my most important peeps, but I just can't. :/

-E-

[jess]

Heh, I don't keep up. At my very best, I catch up... and hope I don't look like creepy stalker girl or pathetically out of touch girl while I'm at it.

[emberleo]

I want you to know that I went back and caught up with the last dozen or so posts on your journal as well, but didn't comment because I'm not entirely comfortable with the audience there.

I'm glad you're surfacing. I hope you continue to get more light in your life, and peaceful darkness when you need it.

*hugs*

-E-

[jess]

Thank you, sweetness, I know how limited your resources are and I'm flattered that you've spent some on my silly foibles. For what it's worth, I've realized that I share some of that discomfort. New filters forthcoming in 3... 2...