Exhaustion catches up

There's a song that goes

"I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center,
Clarity, Peace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry..."

(Apparently it's by Fergie. Huh!)

Normally I hear it and don't think all that much of it. It's not as dysfunctional as a lot of love songs I know, so I don't end up thinking "GRRRR!" but it isn't how I usually feel. For one thing, it seems to be about a long-distance relationship, and possibly about ending it, neither of which are where I've been for years now.

But today, after two weeks of being ON every day, and never alone for more than a few hours at most in either week when I used to get several hours alone every DAY, I'm finding myself about ready to shake apart with the need to be with myself to center, ground, meditate, etc.

And thinking "I hope none of my guys takes that personally - I'm crispy but I still love 'em all" and trying not to burst into tears, and then that song pops into my head, and suddenly I think "wow, that's dead on!"

Heh.

I'm not complaining, per se. I really DID enjoy my job this season at CalShakes, and if I'm free next summer would be happy to do it again, but it's obvious I'm not acclimated to being up in the East Bay quite that much.

And I'm glad my whirlwind ended on a high note. Saturday's headwash was a smashing success, although there were a few bumps in the road, and I realized extremely belatedly that I had no gift for the headwashee (dammit!).

Sunday was a great deal of fun - I went to Faire with uncledark and his two sweeties, the good denizens of the Rabbit Warren. I missed Faire last year, for only the second time in my whole life, so I was bound and determined not to miss it this year. I'm very happy to have gotten to go with the shiny, shiny new (to me) people. :D

Normally I wouldn't choose to go to Faire the day after a Headwash, even if my role was minimal (for me), because my own exhaustion would be so limiting to others. But in this case at least three of the four of us were all similarly spoonless, so it worked out pretty well, actually.

But dear gods, am I crispy today!

So yeah, staying home, finding my center, clarity, peace, and serenity. And I hope you know that this has nothing to do with any of you.

--Ember--