Mood check - moody
Feb. 24th, 2012 12:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
emberleoI'm getting really very tired of the drop that comes from having to walk away from my lover when my visit is over. Some days are worse than others, but it's kind of a damned whether I do or don't situation. If we had an especially good time, it's especially hard to walk away. If something went wrong, it's especially hard to handle walking away. I suppose a mediocre time might be easier on my equilibrium, but I can hardly wish for such. My lows may not be as low as they could be in winter under stress and without meds, but the distance from the high seems much more steep lately - those highs are awfully high, and coming down off them is a serious and almost immediate crash.
I usually have to breathe through a burst of tears when I get in my car to drive away. If I'm doing well I've stopped again before I get to the stop sign to exit the neighborhood. If I'm doing poorly I'm still crying by the time I reach the freeway, but thus far that's rare, and I've never cried all the way home. Again when I GET home, yes - I don't know how I can feel so lonely when my life is so full of beloved friends, family, lovers, gods, and spirits, but somehow I manage it anyway. *sigh*
Today I got called on at least 4 times for calling either myself or something I did "stupid" - either in exasperation or jokingly, but still I seem to be in a bit of a mood.
Why would that be?
Gosh, maybe because I haven't run to the pharmacy to pick up my meds? My last dose was Sunday, and I took my reserve pill only just now because I'd forgotten. I was marginally good and continued to take my 2000mg of D3. It's getting on towards spring. The stress from PCon burnout is over. I had plenty of caffiene and sugar (I know, not good self medication, but not as bad as it could be really), healthy food, snuggles with dear ones, and time with my lover, and my meds have a 6 week half life, so I'm nowhere near as bad off as I could be. Still this is the longest I've missed them since I started last May, so I'd better make damned sure I pick up that prescription tomorrow!
Ahh well, overall life is going pretty well, I'd say...
-E-
I usually have to breathe through a burst of tears when I get in my car to drive away. If I'm doing well I've stopped again before I get to the stop sign to exit the neighborhood. If I'm doing poorly I'm still crying by the time I reach the freeway, but thus far that's rare, and I've never cried all the way home. Again when I GET home, yes - I don't know how I can feel so lonely when my life is so full of beloved friends, family, lovers, gods, and spirits, but somehow I manage it anyway. *sigh*
Today I got called on at least 4 times for calling either myself or something I did "stupid" - either in exasperation or jokingly, but still I seem to be in a bit of a mood.
Why would that be?
Gosh, maybe because I haven't run to the pharmacy to pick up my meds? My last dose was Sunday, and I took my reserve pill only just now because I'd forgotten. I was marginally good and continued to take my 2000mg of D3. It's getting on towards spring. The stress from PCon burnout is over. I had plenty of caffiene and sugar (I know, not good self medication, but not as bad as it could be really), healthy food, snuggles with dear ones, and time with my lover, and my meds have a 6 week half life, so I'm nowhere near as bad off as I could be. Still this is the longest I've missed them since I started last May, so I'd better make damned sure I pick up that prescription tomorrow!
Ahh well, overall life is going pretty well, I'd say...
-E-
(no subject)
Date: 2012-02-24 02:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-02-24 09:34 pm (UTC)-E-