Old Treasures - Anonymous Advice

[emberleo]

Going back over my journal entries from the past, and finding bits and treasures I didn't remember, messages I internalized rather than memorizing them.

Here's one from December of 2004. It's not clear who the message was from - I was in a state of altered consciousness, but the voice was unclear: "It feels sometimes like I'm watching the world for a minute through a pair of eyes that aren't mine, even though they're in my body. I sound just like a hundred people I've known, and I know they're not me."

There's all kinds of feedback loops to a relationship gone bad - even (especially) when there's still something good left. It's a fight for control - volunteering to give up some control here in the effort to gain more overall. Pushing and pushing to find the way to win until you get what you want. Feeding your defenses and never minding if they're feeding your fears...

Subtle patterns are still patterns. It's not fair to treat somebody like they are abusive when they're not, but it's not fair to yourself to stay somewhere that makes you feel abused.

You don't have to be an abusive person to make somebody else feel abused. Some aspects of abuse are just aspects of being different people.

But not being that bad doesn't make it good. It doesn't matter where the threshold is once it's been crossed. Something's gotta give, and nobody controls you but you.

-E-

Comments

[jensurvivor]

>Subtle patterns are still patterns. It's not fair to treat somebody like they are abusive when they're not, but it's not fair to yourself to stay somewhere that makes you feel abused.

>You don't have to be an abusive person to make somebody else feel abused. Some aspects of abuse are just aspects of being different people.

...yeah...